I robbed a bank today.

We were in and out in 10 minutes flat and have the swag safely stashed away in a corner of the warehouse. It was all going like clockwork, with the 2 vans parked up on the pavement immediately outside the door, until the feckin alarm went off half way through the operation.

It was deafening but it kinda added to the excitement. Nobody got hurt although one of the lads did break a nail loading up. I calmly told the Barbers next door that everything was under control and the noise would eventually quieten down. Nobody batted an eyelid [ what does that say about society today?] and we were gone and away even faster than planned.

The heist?- 2 big desks, 5 filing cabinets, about 15 office chairs, a kitchen table and a few other odds and ends. The (unnamed for obvious reasons) bank branch in question had recently closed and the Auctioneers were lets say ambivalent about the remaining contents. There was a safe alright but on health on safety grounds we left it—way too heavy. We had an inside man who tipped us off. We had 4 hours notice before the keys were being handed over otherwise it’d be too late.
Whats the moral of the story? When opportunity knocks you grab it. I’m now well on the way to being able to kit out our new office/ warehouse setup. More on this soon. Sigh! I paid a €5000.00 deposit in April 2013 and still have not got possession of the premises. Stand by for a major rant about NAMA, Receivers, Solicitors and Auctioneers in another blog. Common denominator?- they all wear suits.

In a way the bank job today was just like an everyday synthetic grass installation. Nooooo, we’re not robbing our customers. I firmly believe we are giving them a great value long life garden/lawn. Every man has his job. No fuss, no messing. One man was getaway driver/lookout, others clear the place, a lad to load up and of course the mastermind, gang boss, ringleader, foreman-me. I tied a handkerchief around my face cowboy style for the laugh on my way in the door and nearly gave our “inside man” who had the keys (but not, evidently, the correct alarm code) a heart attack.

That’s one thing I truly love about being a self employed landscaper/ fakegrassman. You never know what you’ll end up doing from one day to the next.

Stay tuned for more adventures.

Mark 🙂